Torn – How long should I stay away?

The great thing about the Birthright trip is that we have the opportunity to extend our travels for up to 90 days.  That’s so awesome! But, I’m torn…

On the one hand, I’m going on this trip at a time when I’m totally just about over all the bullwind of LA – the empty promises, the lack of commitment from people in personal or business affairs, the complete and utter lack of respect of good, substantial artists and artistry.  I’m over the incessant coming and going of love interests – the continual streams of open-ended cliffhangers wherein I am left to ponder what the heck happened, and what’s next? The traffic, the flippant lack of people willing to care for other people other than themselves.  The thises, the thats… the excuses that are so hid behind because people just can’t be direct, honest and to put it simply, not selfish.

But I suppose all of that can be found anywhere you go.  I just feel like I’ve been here for 9 years, and it’s all just overwhelmingly not in my ideal outlook of how life should flow.

With that said, I’m torn because in my heart of hearts, I’m very much looking to just leave for a few months and volunteer on a kibbutz and farm and be with the land and just say “fend for yourselves LA – I’m out!”

But on the other hand, I see, feel and believe that there’s still so much to accomplish and complete and to bail out would be selfish, and unfair to myself – and to life here in general.  It also seems like there’s a lot that’s starting to finally come into fruition, as I am also beginning to fully realize just how much value I have in this desolate land of flittering jadedness.  I also am aware that as I continue to get back to my essence and begin again to consistently think healthy, manifest joy and feel abundant, all of the negative thoughts are not hard and fast realities and everything that I want can be attained. I mean, what if all I need is just 20 days away, instead of 100 days way?  I already have people and things to look forward to when coming back, and hopefully, situations that I am having to struggle with will become more clear to me upon my return – both personal and business related.  I’ve been planting seeds, and instead of completely leaving the harvest unattended, quite possibly it would better serve me to just take a nice holiday and return refreshed, recharged, rejuvenated, and ready to rock in every sense of the word.  There’s so much to want to run away from, but so much more to come back to and commence, or rework and re-strengthen and ameliorate.  Nova Jade* ain’t no coward, nor does she succumb to jadedness – she innovates, and uses her mind to cut through the thickness and inspire and bridge gaps.

Nova Jade* is a winner, a team player, and she stays committed to completing what she finishes, because that’s the right thing to do.

Nova Jade* is full of wanderlust, but she is also a local hero.  She is stubbornly committed to hope and things working out, especially when they work in her favor.  There’s nothing wrong with that, right?  I mean, does not my Hebrew name, Tirtza, mean agreeable?  (And I think I’ve heard it’s also a gathering of orthodox queer women…)

I suppose I’m not as torn as I thought I was when I began to write this 2nd entry on my journey to the Holy Land.

I think I’ll be instinctively (spiritually) pointed to the proper time of extension, figure out where to go during my extension and for how long, and it will all be good.  I plan on using my time away from LA and the States to not just party my time into the abyss (though circle dancing will be justly in order!), but to figure out in clarity, and with focused mind the next steps to grow into while on this gift of a trip.  Like how to be a better woman of strength and positive influence, a better person in joy, a better lover, a better granddaughter, a better educator, a better… If nothing else, I can come back to LA after a nice rounded vacation and do what needs to be done as it all unfolds before me, and plan for a time to go back to the Land and volunteer, learn Hebrew… whatever I feel.  I’ll start planting seeds abroad with my global imprint and return home to continue the Path that I am already on, but on a bigger, more brighter star-scale.

Methinks my talents and energy are needed here to help continue to build community in leadership, learn Hebrew, continue to volunteer in the many ways that I already do; but when the time’s just right again, I’ll find my way back to the land of Milk and Honey (and Europe) and revisit the seeds I begin to cultivate on my nice lil’ stay this first go-’round.  What a treat it is to be given a gift to go explore!

There’s a bigger plan that’s wrestling inside of me, and everyday feels like it’s my birthday.  The wanderer I am has to do more work here, but the soil is prepped for picking; but I also have to begin to build a life abroad, because the global community is where I’m headed in so many facets.  Simply, I gotta be me.

Yes, maybe that’s the way!

Tera “Nova Jade* Greene

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