As I begin this writing, I am on the 23rd hour of being awake. This time 23 hours ago, I was getting ready to rise in about an hour from only 4 hours of sleep. I then worked a full in-the-field 8.75 hours, drove at least 30 miles, walked a doggy for an hour, got a horrible stream of texts from someone who generally wishes me ill-will; and yet, I am still up, and more ready to unfold my story than ever before. Yesterday I cried, and almost succumbed to the negativity of one such person whom I have always did my best to get positive, consistent, support from – unconditionally – but, alas, it has not panned out, and I am beginning to think that maybe that is a lost cause of a thought. But synchronistically, an angel of a friend of mine told me about a Shavuot All-Night Torah study at her shul “last minute”, which really, could not have been an invitation at any other, more appropriate time. Her instincts to act, were right in sync with me, with pure heart, beginning to think of really falling into the negativity that was thrown at me yesterday.
I started getting an influx of negativity at 5pm until 530 or so. Got off work around 630. Got the invitation at 719pm to Study. I was on the road at 747 pm and in the Shul by 815, more or less.
I am just returning from the 8-530am study, and I am so calm. I’m not tired. I’m aware, present and really thankful. It’s interesting that it took a little bit of a negative influence to “pop up” yesterday when everything has been going so well, to show me just how much my connection to the Divine Spirit is really, truly a special thing. As I was ready to be influenced, I was met with an option of going to be immersed in Torah for 9 hours for my first time. Of course, crying leads to headache for me, and I was on the verge of a migraine, my body was tired from a full days work, with having only eaten a small breakfast and lunch. There were so many reasons why I could have psyched myself out of the opportunity to be doused in positivity and learning, but being the instinctive, rational, dialed-in spirit that I am, I also was quite aware of the perfect timing to seize the day – LIVE the day – and not settle for excuses.
With that said, I am heading to Israel in 4 days. Yesterday my horoscope in the LA Times said, “What you need right now is a healthy dose of encouragement and perhaps a big hug. One is coming.” Indeed, as life would turn out, I ended up getting them virtually and physically, via internet well-wishings and in shul with new people I met, and then as we were wrapped in the Torah before ending our Study. For poops and giggles, I saw the newsie was out as I walked in this morning, and it basically said that I’ve had a lot of stories to tell and that I’m about to get a new one.
I feel it. It’s bigger than I can imagine, and I have no idea how exactly it will all pan out – but I have my desires and thoughts in full action; so look out, because Here We Go. If there’s one thing I learned tonight Studying, it is that life can and will change on ya in a second, but whatever happens, do the right thing and stay true to your beautiful essence of light and fly. Soar, even.